I was asked to share closing words from a relationship panel I was on with my Solace Soul Poetry family in Chicago:
“1. Is your communication clear enough where there is no doubt what you desire in a relationship? – Your Actions, Your Behaviors, Your consistency.”
“2. What are you willing to give up?”
“3. What are you willing to tolerate?”
“4. Is your communication clear enough where you can understand what your significant other wants?”
“5. Are you happy, settled, or joyous?”
“6. Are you a situational or circumstantial partner?”
“7. What’s a deal breaker that puts you in the category of situational or circumstantial?”
“8. What type of ear do you listen to critical feedback? Defensive – Emotional – Clear”
“9. In every relationship, there is compromise and change. The 8 inches you love could be hit with a severe case of prostate cancer and become impotent. The big breast you love could be hit and stricken with a critical case of cancer, and you may have a wife with a full radical mastectomy.”
“10. If love covers a multitude of sin, how much love do you have for the one you want to spend the rest of your life with?”
I received a call from a former coworker who works for someone what we both used to work with at another company. She has seen his comments about President Obama and is fearful for her job because she doesn’t want to say anything to him about his post, yet she’s discouraged. She’s of Mexican descent. `He’s her boss, he’s white, and a Trump supporter. I let her know I see the same post, not only from him but, from people I attended a professional development training session with from February to October of this year. I encouraged her to stay optimistic, open up a safe dialogue, and don’t cut off your nose to spite your face. Meaning, keep your job and if you’re that uncomfortable find a new one.
This is the reality that we, as people of color, face every day under every president. I know and have experienced what it’s like to sit in meetings and accused of being the “Angry Black Man” while my white counterparts can throw profanity and yell across the table and its considered “how we conduct business.” I know what it’s like to experience people bypassing your position to go directly to your white boss because they don’t respect your intelligence, drive, commitment, or vision. I know what it’s like to be working and getting along with doctors in a hospital and delivering A+ service until one asks what college you attended and you tell them zero. You are treated differently. Everything you do is judged and scrutinized. But as my boss said to him, “If Tony says it can’t be done that way and he has an alternative solution then I’m going with his alternative recommendation.” I know what it’s like for my boss to be superseded for supporting me. We both laughed when something was implemented by an outside consultant for $7K, and I could have had it done in less time with a $200 investment. That’s what we’re used to. You’d rather spend money than trust what you deemed uneducated. My path in life was only different, and I’m in school now chasing what I’ll never find, a place of acceptance.
After sharing my experience with her I told her, she has a unique opportunity to get his views, opinions, and thoughts but at the end of the day, he’s a white executive and has a level of privilege and access that we will never have. It’s just the way America is, and it was built.
I also know what it’s like to be supported by whites. The civil rights movement wouldn’t have survived without our white brothers and sisters who were called “Nigger Lovers.” Our lives are linked to theirs, and for those that realized this, it was their sad duty, as James Rebb, to be murdered for supporting his black brother. I know what it’s like to be a non-degreed professional and given the opportunity to rise to the occasion. I know what it’s like to be hugged by men like Gary DeVore at Camp Rosenthal during the most painful experiences of my childhood. I know what it’s like to have keys and access codes to bank accounts and home to fix technology issues while my doctors were serving patients. It wasn’t because they had nothing to lose, it’s because they trusted me with their children, their homes, and their money.
I live in an America that can break hearts and mend souls. I live in an America where I know no politician is perfect because they are human just like me and I am not perfect. I have no issues with President-Elect Trump. He is who he is. He’s a marketing genius who just pulled off the biggest advertisement in American History. His genius has overtones of sexism, misogyny, racism, bigotry, and hatred. It’s not President-Elect Trump people are hurt or upset with; it’s those that support him. It’s those that scream “Hilary is a Bitch” at his rallies. It’s those that shout “Obama is a Nigger” at his rallies. It’s those that assaulted a young black woman at a Trump rally while thousands cheered. It’s those who’s children chant “Build a wall” in a school with undocumented Latino children. It’s those that line up with a man who is openly supported by the Ku Klux Klan. It’s those who say they are called to touch, move, and inspire, yet line up with an individual who has insulted veterans, women, the disabled, countries, and people. It’s those that snatch off hijabs from our Muslim daughters. It’s those that scribble on walls, “send those black fuckers back to Africa.” This is our disappointment in the humanity of a nation that would choose to support such a presidency. We missed an opportunity for change with Bernie Sanders; we missed and opportunity of hope with Hilary Clinton, but we missed and opportunity of love and acceptance, not by President-Elect Trump, but by those who support what he stands for today.
Open the dialogue, have the conversation in a peaceful manner. Hate will never trump love. Evil will never trump hope. Violence will never trump peace. Racism will never trump unity. Good luck President-Elect Trump, my prayers are with you in your decision making. The next four years will be the Celebrity Apprentice Live, 24/7. Grab your coffee, sip your beer, enjoy the ride! After all, this is the Republic for which we stand!
I spent six months in an extraordinary Mastermind Group this year. Lead by one of the most critical thinkers I know, Desiree Adaway, a group of men decided to take the challenge of bringing order to chaos, dreams to vision, passion and influence to fruition.
The Challenges Presented:
1. Cut out the B.S.
a. Who are you blaming for you not getting things done?
b. Who are you listening to that’s telling you, “you’re not good enough”?
c. Why are you refusing to follow your God-given destiny?
d. What are you willing to give up?
2. What do you want to Accomplish?
Over six months we delved into the what-if’s on the positive side. What if you actually have a great idea? What if it actually succeeds? What if you invested in yourself as much as you invested in your job? What if you actually lived life as you were important? All of these are great what-if’s but the challenge I found was facing the man in the mirror. How do you overcome years of being the underdog? Years of self-doubt and wrestling with self-inadequacy? Simply put, how do you write the vision and make it plan. And where does one even start? I still don’t have all the answers but I know this, until I put it down on paper I didn’t have a clue. It’s been a little over 6 months and my poetry book is almost complete. A few more edits and wow, it’s almost ready for publishing within the next 3 months.
There’s no way to tackle everything and the Mastermind group wasn’t designed to tackle everything, it was designed to get me to realize that my potential is limitless as long as I make good use of my limited time in this realm. Mastermind pushed my thoughts from darkness to light in regards to the existence of Tony Briscoe – The Endurer. It’s a fight everyday to get up, step out into the world and be surrounded by some of the most incredible thinkers I know and say to myself, “You’re one of those great thinkers”.
Not one person in my group had a desire to do business solely for sake of self. We all wanted to change the world through writing, through traveling, through philanthropy, through change and organizational management. Are you stuck? Are you stagnated? Are you fearful of success? Then maybe, just maybe, a Mastermind group should be in your future to challenge the greatness inside of you and the power that keeps you pushing everyday to excel beyond your position, your title, and your organization to become the hope you are destined to be. Focus on you for a period. A little motivational selfishness will foster a life of selflessness. Ask yourself those questions above and decide to do something about it. I dare you to dream again…
A good friend, and blogging coach extraordinaire recommended that I take my post to my blog instead of my Facebook page. So, for this post, and yearly, I’ll open up with that post:
Some of the highlights of this year.
1. I got to witness two great friends transform their marriages.
2. My mentee finished college and we are going to light it up in 2017.
3. I pulled off a community photoshoot with the help of the greatest and most humble unknown mentor in Chicago, Vondale Singleton.
4. I made statements my place of business that were strong, bold, and fully self-expressed.
5. I apologized to a business colleague for being a butthole at times and she did the same and we’re still on the same team fighting, mean-mugging and doing great work for Black and Brown children in Chicago.
6. I sent my wife to Mexico and can’t tell you how it blessed my soul to see her so relaxed and joyous. It’s just the beginning and we’re still honeymooning.
7. For the 2nd year in-a-row I got to inspire over 600 Noble graduates before they took their journey to college.
8. For the 2nd year in-a-row I got to speak to the students at Hansberry College Prep before they took the ACT
9. I was able to give over $600 dollars to support my P.O.E.T family
10. Increased the time with my family, connected with some good friends, prayed with the brokenhearted, mentored marriages, failed miserably at somethings and wasn’t ashamed (well, getting their).
11. A board member and supported the creation of the Arthur and Isabelle Brazier Veteran’s Resource Center – Patti Caire is amazing.
12. I celebrated, photographed, and captured the night my mentor Juliana Stratton was elected as a state representative.
13. I witnessed a President love his enemies, work peacefully towards diplomacy, and tactfully deal with the worst racial treatment of a single black family since Jim Crow by those that call themselves patriots, countrymen, and Christian’s.
14. I witnessed a reality TV star and business tycoon channel evil, racism, hatred, homophobia, gender bias, xenophobia, and misogyny to win the highest political office in the United States of America.
15. Most of all, I was awakened to how great I am. I am just getting warm.
Blessings to those with whom I’ve had great conversation and debates in the social media world. Whether we agreed or disagreed, we didn’t let it tear apart our history, kinship, nor friendship. Keep it moving family!
I have friends that are single. I pray for them. I hate that they are lonely at times, but I’m glad they choose to remain single and not let loneliness force them into settling. I take marriage seriously. It has not been without its challenges, temptations, ‘isms or problems. I am a living example of “For Better or Worse, for Richer or Poorer, in Sickness and Health, till…” If not directly by me, it’s through the lives of those I share the marriage experience with that these vows come to life. God willing, I will be embarking on 15 blessed years of marriage short of a month and a few days. I call it a honeymoon, and that’s what it has been. A Christ-centered marriage is all I know because I have seen what it takes to make a marriage Built to Last and I have witnessed what it takes to make a marriage destined to fail. As I look at the mystery of marriage and how it is biblically linked to Jesus and the Church I can only think of the devotion God has to his children. Even through our most intentional and devious sin, the Lord still grants us grace, and it is this grace through forgiveness that marriage must be founded.
I must say that I have had to overcome many challenges of my internal struggles. I have learned a marriage cannot heal old wounds, it can’t cure self-esteem issues, it won’t make you forget an old romance, and it won’t make you better in and of itself. Long before you say I do you must journey into pre-marital counseling to ensure the foundation in which you foster your relationship is Built to Last. Pre-marital counseling set me on a journey of not only to co-exist with my wife but steered me down a road of challenges to prepare me for marriage. I encountered weekly grueling, piercing, and self-reflective questions in my quiet time that made me cringe.
- Dare you go into marriage with secrets?
- If you don’t love yourself how can you expect her too?
- So, you expect someone else to make you feel good about yourself?
- So…why are you getting married?
- Yo, that anger problem, how shall you every conquer that?
Surely, all of those questions were not fully answered when I got married. It took lots of prayers, mentoring, and study to amass enough strength and courage to tackle half of this list before marriage. Through my covenant, I have a partner in life that will help me with my struggles, and I assist her with her struggles. “Your success is my success, and your failures are my failures.” Those were words my wife shared with me when I was only her fiancee. I thought if this is her mentality now this is going to be great. It is still her mentality. She works to out-love me, and I work to out-love her. Imagine, two people that don’t try to out-shout, out-talk, out-argue or out-win an argument. Imagine a single goal to out-love a the modifier to enhance your marriage.
What ails your relationship? Are you getting ready to say “I do” with trepidation? Are you at the door of your wedding in the morning and have grave doubt that this should not be? Well, I encourage you, no matter how far along in your planning, to stop the process. I guarantee the money you forfeit from the reception and honeymoon will not outweigh you entering into a marriage without a solid foundation.
To my friends that are single I say know you are more than your weight in platinum and gold combined. Never settle, never dumb it down, and always be truer to yourself than the person you expect to be faithful to you. The journey to marriage may be long, but it takes that to ensure the journey in marriage is Built to Last.