I exploded

Lost my cool

Pressure and parenting

Crushed coal to diamonds

Life came out today

In the worst way

Voice raised, daughter crying

Wife pleading 

No heeding to anyone

Rage met me

In the kitchen

Slammed hands on table

Punched jabs in door

Grab keys

Peeled off like Andretti 

Hit 100, wreckless, gone

Chest burning, on fire

Called homie, got corrected

Sent text, got prayer

I have eaten so much BS the last 14 months

And my family got the weight of it all

They have sacrificed so much

They deserve better, they have earned better

They have loved better than me

Baby calls, “I’m sorry, will you come back home?”

Of course baby, I love you, getting some air

Back home, chilling outside, chest, stress, pain

Piercing, clutching, cringing, breathing deeply

Go inside, hug her, walk in room family meeting

I am sorry, I ask for your forgiveness, I will get help

These shoulders tense, emotions mixed

Positions shift, no spirits to lift

My solace is paid in PENance Barz written

Called to be different but that old man sniffing’

I look her in her eyes, one on one

Never apologize to a man for his anger

It’s not your fault, ever, I control myself

I am accountable for me, not you

This love is hard, so purposeful

It ain’t easy, parenting is a joyful sorrow

Marriage is a blessed struggle

Family is a happy challenge

We still honeymooning

Our love endures because my JAH ensures

He will never leave or forsake

Sometimes we need a break

But never leave your family broken

Never leave a wound open

That’s what the enemy is hopin’

Rest, breathe, tomorrow

We make it better

I will get help