I exploded
Lost my cool
Pressure and parenting
Crushed coal to diamonds
Life came out today
In the worst way
Voice raised, daughter crying
Wife pleading
No heeding to anyone
Rage met me
In the kitchen
Slammed hands on table
Punched jabs in door
Grab keys
Peeled off like Andretti
Hit 100, wreckless, gone
Chest burning, on fire
Called homie, got corrected
Sent text, got prayer
I have eaten so much BS the last 14 months
And my family got the weight of it all
They have sacrificed so much
They deserve better, they have earned better
They have loved better than me
Baby calls, “I’m sorry, will you come back home?”
Of course baby, I love you, getting some air
Back home, chilling outside, chest, stress, pain
Piercing, clutching, cringing, breathing deeply
Go inside, hug her, walk in room family meeting
I am sorry, I ask for your forgiveness, I will get help
These shoulders tense, emotions mixed
Positions shift, no spirits to lift
My solace is paid in PENance Barz written
Called to be different but that old man sniffing’
I look her in her eyes, one on one
Never apologize to a man for his anger
It’s not your fault, ever, I control myself
I am accountable for me, not you
This love is hard, so purposeful
It ain’t easy, parenting is a joyful sorrow
Marriage is a blessed struggle
Family is a happy challenge
We still honeymooning
Our love endures because my JAH ensures
He will never leave or forsake
Sometimes we need a break
But never leave your family broken
Never leave a wound open
That’s what the enemy is hopin’
Rest, breathe, tomorrow
We make it better
I will get help
